In a society where romantic relationships are idealized and monogamous romantic commitments are protected, infidelity is seen as a profound transgression of these norms. This behavior, often frowned upon and judged, actually hides unknown facets that can influence the dynamics of a couple. In this article, we will explore these hidden aspects to better understand how infidelity changes the dynamic of a relationship.
Why does infidelity occur?
Firstly, it is appropriate to look at the reasons why a person would be unfaithful. If each story is unique, certain factors frequently recur:
- Dissatisfaction in the relationship: a partner is not fulfilled sexually or emotionally within their couple;
- The need for personal affirmation: the desire to prove one’s worth or to exercise power over others;
- The search for novelty: the attraction to the unknown, passion, and intense sensations;
- External circumstances: geographical distance, temporary separation, fortuitous encounters.
A Matter of Compatibility
It is essential to note that infidelity does not necessarily mean that the couple has no future. The action can be perceived as a revealing symptom of the discomfort and differences existing within the relationship. It can result in a fruitful and constructive discussion where each partner expresses their needs, expectations, and boundaries.
Infidelity as a factor of imbalance
One of the main changes that infidelity causes in the dynamics of a couple is undoubtedly the imbalance it causes. Indeed, the discovery or suspicion of this transgression can cause a significant upheaval for the two partners involved:
From the unfaithful partner’s side
- Guilt (culpabilité): the person who has cheated on their spouse may feel responsible for the unhappiness in their relationship;
- The lie : the obligation to hide or distort, the reality;
- The questioning: questioning one’s choices, motivations and commitment towards their relationship.
From the cheated partner’s side
- The frustration: experiencing feelings of injustice or powerlessness in the face of the situation;
- The anger: blaming one’s spouse for their choices and the committed betrayal;
- Lack of self-confidence : doubting the love of one’s partner, their loyalty, and the very foundations of the relationship.
This imbalance is often accompanied by conflicts, sometimes violent, which threaten the stability of the couple. It can also lead to a emotional distance between the two partners, each taking refuge behind their own emotions and resentments.
Questioning power within the couple
One of the lesser-known aspects of infidelity lies in the notion of power. An unfaithful player may seek to regain control of his own life or his relationship by having an affair, thus questioning his commitment to the couple. Simultaneously, infidelity can be perceived as a weapon used to manipulate or hurt the other partner:
- The unfaithful may feel valued, believing they have an advantage over their spouse who is unaware of the secret;
- He/She can also use this bond to “punish” their partner for a past frustration or to provoke a reaction;
- Finally, he/she may attempt to control and influence their partner based on their own interests (blackmail).
This interpretation of power can, however, be nuanced. On one hand, infidelity is not always synonymous with bending rules or exploiting the other. On the other hand, using an affair to exercise control over one’s spouse may indicate, on the contrary, a deep feeling of vulnerability and helplessness.
The potential relational renewal
Despite the numerous difficulties caused by infidelity, it is also appropriate to consider the possibility that it may represent an opportunity for renewal and growth for a couple:
- The communication intensifies: faced with this destabilizing reality, the couple is encouraged to communicate more and express their feelings;
- Desires and expectations are expressed : each partner reflects on what they truly expect from their relationship;
- New relational foundations can be established : after weathering the storm, some couples choose to rebuild their story on stronger foundations.