There’s no doubt that we’ve all taken words or actions of our interlocutors too much to heart, under the emotional influence of the moment. But making it a habit can quickly affect our mental and psychological well-being. To counteract this harmful tendency, here are four tips inspired by the methods of family and couples therapists.
1. Take a step back from the situation
Often, we tend to excessively focus on our own thoughts and emotions, which makes considering other perspectives difficult. As Maria, an experienced family and marital therapist, says: “step back from the narrative and examine what happened – the facts alone, not the interpretation“. Practicing this objectivity makes it easier to better understand the real intentions of the other people involved in the situation and avoid believing that it is a personal attack.
2. Questioning one’s interpretations
Sometimes, our mind gets carried away with assumptions or hypotheses without questioning them. Therefore, it makes sense to examine these preconceived ideas and ask ourselves if they are rational or irrational, as Maria advises. This way, we can question the other person’s point of view and try to understand why they acted the way they did. Not only will this allow you to better understand the situation, but it will also make you wiser so you don’t take things personally.
Example:
- Your colleague criticizes you during a meeting: is it because they’re trying to sabotage your work or because they want to improve the common project?
- Your friend is not responding to your messages : is it because they’re avoiding you or because they’re going through a difficult time?
In each case, explore different possible explanations to avoid jumping to hasty conclusions that can unnecessarily hurt our ego.
3. Shift one’s attention
We sometimes have a natural tendency to think that everything revolves around us. While this might be legitimate in some contexts, it’s essential to realize that we are not always at the center of other people’s concerns. There are probably multiple causes leading to their actions or words, some of which have nothing to do with us.
To stop taking things personally, try to find other reasons that would explain the situation without putting yourself at the center of the story.
4. Seek Constructive Solutions
It sometimes happens that our mistakes are indeed the source of problems encountered with others. In this case, it is important to acknowledge our faults and take action to rectify the situation. But we must not lock ourselves into guilt, which can paralyze us instead of allowing us to move forward. As Maria says: “seek ways to fix the situation instead of remaining stuck in shame.”
An example:
- If you realize that you have lacked empathy towards your friend going through a difficult time, suggest going out to talk and listen to their struggles.
Ultimately, learning not to take things personally requires constant and compassionate self-improvement. By following these tips, you will be better equipped to face difficult situations without hurting your own self-esteem, while staying attentive and understanding towards others.