Some time ago, we learned that to live happily, one must be married. But today, another study goes further and shows that to live happily, you must not only be married, but also argue in your relationship!
Positive psychology, just hot air?
One of the keys to a happy marriage would indeed be anger, according to a study from the University of Florida, presented during the congress of the American Psychological Association in Orlando. The researchers analyzed why some relationships last and others do not.
These results oppose the current trend favoring “positive psychology” within the couple, based on forgiveness, optimism, and kindness to help overcome couple’s problems following, for example, a betrayal, acknowledges the study director James McNulty.
During his research, Professor McNulty found that sometimes “the transient discomfort of an angry but honest conversation” could be beneficial for a long-term stable couples’ life.
Good news for unpleasant partners?
This fact is particularly true for “unpleasant” partners who can take advantage of their spouse’s good nature and his or her ability to forgive and forget.
“When one believes their partner is indulgent, it encourages kind people not to offend the other, but nasty people are more likely to lash out at their spouse in this context,” the researcher commented in a statement.
Furthermore, expressing one’s anger allows to signal to the other that an offensive behavior is not acceptable, he added.
Argue to burst the abscess?
But this doesn’t mean that couples should shout at each other to vent their anger. The authors of the study recommend finding a way to express frustration or discontent towards one’s partner without being offensive or attacking the self-esteem of the other.
The key is to find ways to resolve conflicts and move forward without leaving wounds that can fester and lead to a future break up. “It’s not just about finding the right way to argue, it’s also about how you argue and whether you can move on,” concludes Mrs. McNulty.
Even if arguments may seem counterintuitive in your relationship, don’t be afraid to try them – they could be the key to a happy and lasting marriage.
In conclusion, it is not about avoiding all confrontations in a relationship, but rather using them constructively. Expressing your anger and disagreement with your partner can help maintain the stability of a marriage over time. Therefore, do not be afraid to let your partner know you are upset or angry, as this will allow you to express your anger